I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
