I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
