Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
