you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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