I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
