and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
