I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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