I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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