hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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