i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
