i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
