There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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