First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
