I hate your face
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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