im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
