Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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