TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
