I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
