once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
