i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
