I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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