my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
