Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
