I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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