all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
