remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
