I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
