When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
