yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
