Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So. Much. Porn.
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