rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
