Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
