If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
