i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
