You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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