The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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