he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
