Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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