sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
