please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
