Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
