don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
