Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
