i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
