Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
