I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
