So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
