I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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