Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
