You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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