I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
