I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
