Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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