how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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