I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
