Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize