I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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