Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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