I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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