so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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