Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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