Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
