What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
