I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
