he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
