It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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