3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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