yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
