I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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