I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
