New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
there is puke in my bra ... again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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