WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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