He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
