hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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