How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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