The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
