Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
