Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
