dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
