I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You are a genius and a whore.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
