I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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