i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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