I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
