Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
